Rapport for Learning

There are two emotional factors that affect learning: the mood for learning and the rapport for learning. One comes from the child himself and the other comes from external parties like teachers, parents and friends.

Today, I will be touching on the rapport for learning.

Before I became a teacher, I thought the single most important thing that can attract the child to learn is the delivery of the lesson. If the lesson is very interesting, the child would definitely learn. I was not entirely wrong, but the lesson itself is only one part of the equation.

Learning can be greatly enhanced if the child likes you.

Picture yourself learning some skills from someone you like. Then, picture yourself learning something from someone you don't like. There is a vast difference in absorbing the content.

And there is also a vast difference in being motivated to complete the assignment that follows.

If it is a teacher whom I liked, I would want to do my best for the assignment. Otherwise, I will just make do with whatever answers I have.

You get what I mean?

Hence, rapport for learning is very important. Your child will be motivated to learn if you have the rapport with him. This rapport can be established via 3 main areas.


Bonding
Parents have this natural bond with their children. It is there simply because you are the child's parent. It is created when the child is born. Your child depends on you for many things and has learnt to trust you since he was very young. This bonding is also enhanced through play and communication.

Some parents sacrifice this bond when they coach their children in their learning. The parent projects his expectations on the child and stress the child out. The child feels that the parent is not on their side anymore and he grows apart from his parent. The child starts to perform according to their parents expectations and learns to provide 'the right answer'. Slowly, the child dislikes learning (and sometimes dislike the parent too).

We have to remember that we are adults and our children draw their emotional support from us. If we focus too much on the results and take away the emotional support, the child will be unmotivated to learn because learning is not emotionally safe anymore. To the child, learning seems to bring a lot of scolding and rejection from the parent.

To repair the bond, the parent must find time to play with the child, to find out what is bringing joy to the child's life and to talk to the child. What you want is to detach the idea that parents equate to scolding and scoring 100 marks. You want your child to understand that you are there and you can help him in his progress.

Focus on long term values
For my children, focusing on long term values is an everyday process. The core values that are being talked about in my family are:

- integrity vs short term gains (very important)
- hard work vs intelligence
- heart work (empathy)
- failure is okay as long as we learn from it
- sharing with others
- saving the planet (save electricity and water)

To impart values, I use stories and teachable moments. I will read a story and engage the child by asking moral questions. Sometimes, I will use a 'grey' story and see how my child react.

When a parent focuses on long term values, the child feels safe and gains a perspective about the right thing to do. It is less intrusive and more interesting to the child. When your child sees that you practise what you teach, he will model after you as well. When he models after you, you are on his side and his rapport with you increases.


Focus less on short term results
Notice that I did not say "do not focus on short term results". If you totally ignore short term results, the child may lose the direction for the learning. For example, if you are teaching addition of fractions and you are totally not interested if your child can get the addition correct, then what is the point of learning? You are teaching your child the addition of fractions so that he can learn the skill. Hence, the natural goal is to get the addition of fractions correct.

Now that we are clear about the goal, we focus on the more important part: the process. It can be broken down into 9 steps:

1. Did we get it right?
2. Why did we get it wrong?
3. Did I change the denominator to the same?
4. Why do we need to change the denominator?
5. When I change the denominator, did you change the numerator accordingly?
6. Did I add correctly?
7. Did I add the denominators together (when I am not supposed to add them)?
8. Did I check my work?
9. Is it a careless mistake?

When I teach a child on a one-to-one basis, I ask a lot more than the above. I ask lots of questions (in a curious way, not the frustrated way) to uncover the process that is going on in the child's brain. It is time consuming but it is important to nip the misconceptions in the bud.

When a child observes that you are interested in the process more than the results, he will feel safer when he did not get the right answer. He will feel safe to explore the failure and understand the topic more thoroughly than just focus on the strategy to get the right answer.

The rapport is built when your child sees that he fails together with you, rather than failing on his own.

(By the way, teaching addition of fractions is easy. It is preventing the mistakes that is difficult.)


It is important for you to build the rapport with your child. Learning will be improved and relationships will become less tense.

Happy building! Get on the same side as the child!

little motivator