Today, I am going to talk about discipline.
Disciplining children is one of the major tasks for parents. We do it 70% of the time. Be it in shopping centre, at home, in school or in the car, we discipline children most of the time. It may be an angry look. It may be a loud NO. It may be a slap on the buttocks.
There are mainly three types of parents: the regimental (army) type, the jelly type (no rules) and the mixture of both type. The best is a mixture of both, right? Wrong.
All the three types are lacking. The regimental type lacks the reason for the discipline, the jelly type lacks the action for discipline and the mixture type will confuse your child most.
The best type in my opinion is the discipline with love type.
It is obvious right? Since I put it as the topic for the post. While it is extremely easy to identify this type of discipline, it is also extremely difficult to practice. Why? Because love is being extinguished when one is angry. When you are angry with your child, you will be overwhelmed with emotions and you will find yourself momentarily unable to love. However, you must understand that your anger arises from love for the child and hence, it is very important to let your child know that you still love them even though you are angry with their actions.
As a male, this is not an easy lesson to learn. In fact, my wife has to keep checking me in order for me to correct myself. On top of that, I am very emotional by nature. I can be full of love now and full of anger few minutes later. However, like I said in my previous posts, I am a very intra-personal person. I know my weaknesses and I know I cannot impart this to my children.
I forced myself to love my children even when I am angry. I make it a point to say 'I love you' to them after I scold them. It gets easier each time and the results are formidable. My children loves me back even when I am angry with them.
And most important of all, you change their heart before you change their behavior.
The method is very simple:
Step 1: Discipline the child (Scold or cane)
Step 2: Explain why the punishment is necessary.
Step 3: Hug the child and say 'I love you' after the explanation.
This way, your child can protect his self-esteem and still feel your love after being punished. It is very important. If your child cannot find love in you, he will find love elsewhere and most probably will seek refuge in friends as soon as they can. If you have good rapport with your children, you will realise that they will still listen to you even when they have many good friends.
Discipline without love is very damaging to your child's core identity. He will feel unloved and constantly in the wrong. He will obey out of fear. Take away the control and he will go berserk.
Love without discipline will give your child the wrong idea of love. Anyone who does not give in to his whims does not love him.
Try it today! Love with discipline.
Stay tuned!
little motivator
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